Lists of All Kinds

Newbie Buys a Computer (apologies to Abbott & Costello’s “Who’s On Third”)

SALESMAN: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 NEWBIE: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

 SALESMAN: Mac?

 NEWBIE: No, the name’s Lou.

 SALESMAN: Your computer?

 NEWBIE: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

 SALESMAN: Mac?

 NEWBIE: I told you, my name’s Lou.

 SALESMAN: What about Windows?

 NEWBIE: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

 SALESMAN: Do you want a computer with Windows?

 NEWBIE: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

 SALESMAN: Wallpaper.

 NEWBIE: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 SALESMAN: Software for Windows?

 NEWBIE: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

 SALESMAN: Office.

 NEWBIE: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

 SALESMAN: I just did.

 NEWBIE: You just did what?

 SALESMAN: Recommend something.

 NEWBIE: You recommended something?

 SALESMAN: Yes.

 NEWBIE: For my office?

 SALESMAN: Yes.

 NEWBIE: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

 SALESMAN: Office.

 NEWBIE: Yes, for my office!

 SALESMAN: I recommend Office with Windows.

 NEWBIE: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

SALESMAN: Word.

NEWBIE: What word?

 SALESMAN: Word in Office.

 NEWBIE: The only word in office is office.

 SALESMAN: The Word in Office for Windows.

 NEWBIE: Which word in office for windows?

 SALESMAN: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

 NEWBIE: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

 SALESMAN: Money.

 NEWBIE: That’s right. What do you have?

 SALESMAN: Money.

 NEWBIE: I need money to track my money?

 SALESMAN: It comes bundled with your computer.

 NEWBIE: What’s bundled with my computer?

 SALESMAN: Money.

 NEWBIE: Money comes with my computer?

 SALESMAN: Yes. No extra charge.

 NEWBIE: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

 SALESMAN: One copy.

 NEWBIE: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

 SALESMAN: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 NEWBIE: They can give you a license to copy money?

 SALESMAN: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

 (A few days later)

SALESMAN: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 NEWBIE: How do I turn my computer off?

 SALESMAN: Click on ‘START’………..

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September 2, 2009 - Posted by | Humour

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